The idea and concept of Personal Boundaries may be things that differ greatly from person to person. That may be the case when it comes to each specific building block, that comes to making up somebody’s personal boundaries. Though the many building blocks may differ, they are all trying to establish those boundaries for the same reasons and purposes.
Personal boundaries are essential. It’s quite wise to learn how to develop solid personal boundaries. They can be the keys to keeping relationships on point and healthy. The process of doing a personal inventory of our boundaries can be a process of learning things about ourselves that are enlightening experiences.
When we build personal boundaries, we ought not be vague. If we are being as detailed as possible, and we’re sticking to it, we’ll have a much less chance for conflict.
Knowing our own limits, and making them clear is the best route to take. I think it is much better to have a clear message ahead of time. The best personal boundaries are the ones that are never crossed in the first place.
Waiting until someone already crosses it can sometimes be too late. It can be that one time, that can make things not quite the same ever again. Or even worse, totally unrepairable.
Many of our personal boundaries can be measured by the types of values we deem most important. For those of us who value family as a top priority, we can set up boundaries with people like our bosses, or even or old buddies from our younger days.
Boundaries that are in place, assuring that we commit our main focus and our majority of quality time with our spouses and children at home. We will have limits in place that can have things like cutoff times for how late we will work, or how many extra days we may work on a weekend. Just like these boundaries are in place with friends that keep us from staying out partying until 4am.https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/road-through-the-desert-royalty-free-image/1029125130?adppopup=true
It is perfectly acceptable and it’s not rude to make other parties aware of these boundaries. We do it in a respectful manner. Once that’s done, we don’t have to allow our limits to be pushed, and we don’t have to justify to anyone, why our families are our priority.
With those examples, comes another important part and that is keeping the message of our boundaries assertive.
Sometimes there will be others who think that we are just blowing hot air. People may believe that they can easily push out limits.
Assertiveness to values and personal boundaries regarding what is important to us, and what values we hold as priorities keeps friendships, employers, and family relationship protected, with clear understandings on both sides.
We shouldn’t expect misunderstandings if this is followed and stuck to.
Some more advice when we are trying to learn the best way to establish personal boundaries is to take advice from our own guts. Be mindful of feelings, thoughts and emotions.
If we have a bad feeling that we think we may be taken advantage of, stop for a minute, and discover the root to that feeling. Is there a place in our life where some of our limits and personal boundaries might be a bit too light, or not present at all? If we are getting that kind of feeling about being used, or taken advantage of, then we really need to walk it through step by step.
Work that process until we are confident that we can either dismiss it as our own misunderstanding. Or until we have found what and who the cause of that feeling is.https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/empty-nudist-beach-of-torimbia-royalty-free-image/1175879982?adppopup=true
Building personal boundaries can be a process that can take some time, but it should be considered absolutely necessary. It covers so many areas of life. A misunderstood, or an unclear limit or boundary can be the gateway to so much conflict. It can risk the wellbeing of good relationships within families, and friendships. It can cause issues in working relationships too, and that can eventually lead to very awkward and uncomfortable, environments which is something none of us want in the workplace.
We deserve and we need our private space. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Let your limits be the key to keeping wonderful relationships.
When Building Personal Boundaries was originally published in ILLUMINATION on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.