Discovering the power of mindfulness
Living in the present moment seems to have become one of those trendy phrases like self-care that should mean something but are used just often enough, loosely and without sincerity, that the words themselves become empty and, sometimes, misunderstood.
But, living in the present is anything but cliché. The present moment is now — today.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” ~Mother Teresa.
Think about it.
When you started reading this article, perhaps seconds ago, that time is now the past, and you can’t get it back. It’s not an hour from now when you’ll meet your friends for drinks, watch a great movie, or go for a run. It is now.
What is happening now? Do you know?
“Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.”― Amit Ray
Part of living in the present moment is being mindful; being mindful means being aware of your thoughts. I’ll give you an example.
Soon after my divorce, when I was still in a really bad place, I was working on being mindful, being present, and not ruminating about the past or imagining a future in which I get to hurt him. I knew that I had to start small because, honestly, I couldn’t handle much at the time. So, I began with a morning meditation. If I struggled, and I usually did, I would use a guided meditation on YouTube.
In the shower, I would sing to avoid the onslaught of rage and ideas for vengeance. It worked well — until I started with my make-up. For some reason, staring into a mirror putting on foundation, blush, and eyeshadow was a catastrophe for living in the present moment. It is where I fought some of my toughest mental battles. These thoughts would be advancing through my mind, creating strategies for battles that had never happened, arguments that had never occurred, and words I never got to say.
“And all those things I didn’t say/ Wrecking balls inside my brain/ I will scream them loud tonight/Can you hear my voice this time?” Rachel Platten
Of course, he never heard me, and he never would. It was my job to accept that and practice living in my moment. My moment – not his.
I’m sure we all have some toxic fantasy that our minds inevitably revert to that keeps us from living in the present. Do you rehash old arguments, think about things you wish you had said, or dream about winning the lottery? Are you aware of them? Awareness is half the battle and the place where everyone has to start.
To live in the present means to only think about what is happening now. It is really all we have.
“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.” — Eckhart Tolle
Three ways to start living in the present
- Focus on the now. What are you doing? Watching TV? On the computer? Scrolling social media? Whatever it is, focus on it completely. Don’t allow your mind to wander aimlessly and land someplace you don’t want it to be. Even better, turn off your screens and savor your present moment. Breathe in. Breathe out. Trust me. It works. Some of my most cherished aha moments came as I truly focused on washing a dish.
- Pay attention to the small things. You may ask, “What are small things?” I think of them as the things we don’t traditionally focus on with gratitude or intention. We just do them. For example, brushing your teeth. When you are brushing your teeth, where does your mind go? Observe. If it’s out in left field somewhere, bring it home. Think about the taste of the toothpaste or the feel of the bristles on your teeth. Be grateful for your teeth and how they help you out every day. Why are you brushing your teeth? Think about your intention as well.
- Practice gratitude. Sometimes, when we feel down or depressed (not clinically), it is because we have forgotten to focus on what is good in our lives. The mind will dwell on what you focus on. I used to talk about my mind as if it drove me, but I am in the driver’s seat, and you can choose to be, too. Louise Hay once said, “They are only thoughts, and thoughts can be changed.” You hold the power.
Why should I live in the present moment?
According to Psychology Today, “Living for the moment by practicing mindfulness reduces stress, boosts your immune system, lowers blood pressure, and has other beneficial physical and mental effects.”
In addition to the obvious, mindful people are more secure, have higher self-esteem, and are happier. Jay Dixit, the author of The How of Happiness, says that “Savoring and relishing life in the moment — whether it’s eating a meal, drinking a cup of coffee, or walking to the store — elicits happiness and other positive emotions.”
Much of our past has been stolen or given away without much thought for ourselves or our mental health. We known now that it is our choice to live in the present, the past, or the future. Choosing to live in the past or the future deprives you of the enjoyment that can be experienced today, and it cheats you out of truly experiencing life.
I’ll give Maya Angelou the last word:
“If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is to be present in the present. Gratefully.”
Thank you for joining me on this journey — let’s celebrate the smile lines we earn along the way — together!
Smile Lines is a newsletter for those navigating life after a gray divorce. Drawing from my own experience, I offer support and encouragement. While tailored to midlife women, my insights may resonate with anyone facing a significant life transition. https://brendakarl.substack.com/
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