How music and gratitude can transform our perspective
Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash
It was only the first of September, but Walmart was already brimming with fall decorations. Halloween displays seemed to arrive earlier every year, but instead of rolling my eyes like I usually would, I found myself pausing.How music and gratitude can transform our perspective
For those of us going through—or coming out of—gray divorce, the holiday season can bring up mixed emotions. On one hand, it’s a time for reflection, gratitude, and spending time with loved ones. On the other, it can feel like a reminder of what’s lost or changed.
Thanksgiving has become a time for me to reflect not just on what I’ve lost, but on what I’ve gained—new strengths, new perspectives, and new opportunities to choose joy.
As we navigate life post-divorce, it’s easy to get caught in the storm of negative emotions—the loneliness, the uncertainty, and the adjustment to life on our own. But here’s what I’ve learned: the power of positivity doesn’t lie in ignoring the pain, but in choosing to find moments of gratitude, even in the hardest of times.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. People can complain about how it came to be all day long, but the fact remains, anytime people anywhere spend time reflecting on the things they are grateful for, the world is a better place. Positivity is not only a trendy word, it holds power.
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
I’m not talking about toxic positivity. I’m not talking about platitudes like “Have an attitude of gratitude” as a solution for someone else’s problems. Toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often inauthentic façade. Forced gratitude is not genuine, and therefore, not helpful in any way.
While many of us understand the power of true positive thinking, we often still find ourselves dwelling on an insult rather than a compliment or a mistake rather than the win for the day. According to the psychologists at verywellmind.com, the reason for this is that negative events “have a greater impact on our brains than positive ones.”
The professionals refer to this as negativity bias, and it can have a profound effect on a person’s behavior, decisions, and relationships. It is as if we have been hard-wired by evolution to not only notice the negative event more readily but to ruminate on it as well — basically, nature’s way of keeping us safe.
Here’s the catch: for the most part, we no longer need to be on constant high alert in order to survive, but the negativity bias is still in the driver’s seat of our brains. Unless we consciously kick that sucker out, it will continue to drive us.
Awareness is half the battle.
Without self-awareness, dwelling on dark thoughts, speaking to ourselves negatively, and generally thinking the worst about everything can go unnoticed. It becomes our normal — a bad habit growing darker without any restraint.
It is important to understand that in addition to being a grump, “negative attitudes can create chronic stress, which upsets the body’s hormone balance, depletes the brain chemicals required for happiness, and damages the immune system” (takingcharge.csh.umn.edu).
Winning the positivity battle
There are several things we can do to change our mindsets, but we must first be self-aware enough to notice our thoughts. Observe what you’re thinking about, and when you notice a negative pattern of thought, change it. Yes, it is easier said than done, but it can be done.
Try taking a walk, reading a good book, or watching a comedy to take your mind off the negative. Say positive affirmations or reframe a situation in a different light. One popular exercise among positivity seekers has been keeping a gratitude journal. It helps us to focus on what we have to be grateful for, rather than the opposite.
I do have a gratitude journal, but I confess, it’s sporadic at best. What I love about the journal is going back and seeing what made me feel grateful that day.
One of my entries said: I walked into the room where my adult son was playing piano, and when he saw me, his face lit up with a big beautiful smile.
Another: The sunset was amazing.
Both are wonderful reminders of what I have to be grateful for, and with the gratitude journal, I can revisit when I’m not feeling so positive.
I love the journal, but as I thought about it, I knew I was looking for something different. Something organic and natural to my day, something that didn’t require the new habit dedication.
When we listen to a song, part of the brain called the auditory cortex is triggered. When a part of a familiar song was played to a research group, the participant’s auditory cortex automatically filled in the rest. -Howstuffworks.com
Educators have long known that when facts, verses, or grammar rules are set to music or beats, students are more likely to remember them. I can still recall some of those tunes from my elementary years.
As I was seeking a more organic way to integrate gratitude into my daily routine, I thought about how music always lifts my spirits. That’s when the idea hit me:
My Gratitude Grooves
I made a playlist on Spotify. A playlist is a list of songs or pieces of music. It’s a word that started out in radio stations — the “playlist” was all the tracks that were to be played that day. Now, we have the luxury of making our own digital playlists — thank you internet.
I’m a country girl at heart having grown up on the old Country & Western tunes my grandfather listened to on his turntable, so that’s where I started.
Country Favs
- Whisper My Name by Randy Travis (the official video will make you cry)
- Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw
- Springsteen by Eric Church
- High Cotton by Alabama
Folk Favs:
- Rocky Mountain High by John Denver
- Sunshine on My Shoulders by John Denver
- How Lucky by John Prine (Folkish?)
Pop Favs:
- Best Day of My Life by American Authors
- I Lived by OneRepublic
- Good Life by OneRepublic (Yes, I like OneRepublic)
- Walking on Sunshine by Katrina And The Waves
- Happy by Pharrell Williams
A mix of genres:
- What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong
- And Your Praise Goes On — Chris Rice
- Thank you for Being A Friend by Andrew Gold
- The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy) by Simon & Garfunkel
- Gratitude by Earth, Wind, and Fire
Now, I have an easy, enjoyable way to keep positivity in the driver’s seat of my mind, and believe it or not, music is not just a placebo.
A meta-analysis of 400 music studies found that listening to music has the ability to reduce anxiety, fight depression, and boost the immune system (Psychology Today).
I’m not going to complain about the early sale of Fall and Halloween decorations anymore. I’m going to focus on being grateful for their availability and getting an early start on the holidays while listening to my Gratitude Grooves. A little cheesy, but so much fun.
I hope something on my list resonates with you, and if you like this idea, I would love to know which songs you are choosing for your gratitude playlist. Drop them in the comments, and let’s get our gratitude groove on.
Thank you for reading. Would you consider joining me on this journey? Let’s celebrate the smile lines we earn along the way together. https://brendakarl.substack.com/
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