“Most of our problems are a result of our inability to listen and understand others.”
If we ask what the most important skill is, communication skills will always come to the top of the list. The chances are low that anyone will say listening skills. But there is no good communication without listening. Good communicators and great leaders are good listeners. Most of the problems in our lives arise from the issue that we are not patient enough to listen to the other person and empathize with them. It is easy to talk, but hard to be patient, listen, and understand.
When I look back at my own life, most of my interpersonal issues have arisen out of my inability to listen and communicate properly. For example, I struggled with my relationship with my father because it was hard for me to listen to his perspective. Instead, I tried to communicate my ideas and force them upon other people. What this resulted in was ego-driven arguments and issues that drained us.
Recently, I came across a book titled “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone” by Mark Goulston. The book focuses on how effective listening can be used to get through tough situations and negotiations. Reading and applying this into my life has brought positive changes, and I believe it will work out for you as well.
1.Hold Your Nerves
One of the most important things he advises is to stay calm and composed during communication. Even in the most difficult situations, holding our nerves and mastering our emotions can make a huge difference. He provides three steps: First, accept that things are bad. Say aloud to yourself that things are bad and accept that you feel angry and frustrated. Then, he asks us to calm down by inhaling and exhaling, using meditation techniques. After that, we should reflect on the situation by asking ourselves, “How can I get the best out of this situation?”
2.Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening is crucial. We should try to listen deeply to others. Don’t try to compare, judge, or counter. Let them talk, and give them your full attention. Throw your phone away during that time. Make them feel that whatever they are feeling is unique. Ask questions to understand them and attach emotion to their words. Always ensure that your responses convey empathy, acknowledging their emotions to create a deeper connection.
3.Be Interested in Others
One of the best takeaways I got from the book is to be interested in others instead of just sharing interesting things. Everyone thinks we can be super cool by saying interesting stuff. But the reality is that what’s more interesting is trying to get interested in others. Don’t talk about ourselves—it’s boring. Instead, always ask questions, try to learn more about the other person, and dig deeper. The reason is that everyone has that inner child who wants others to hear them. So if we can control our instincts and get interested in others, we will be differentiated.
Listening is such a unique and underrated skill that can be mastered, but it’s hard. Try to start now.
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