It takes work, but it’s worth it
I was sitting at my desk, finishing a story I had written for Medium. With a satisfied sigh, I stood up and headed to the living room. I said something to my wife that set her off. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. She had been stewing over something I said or did for days. I angered her without meaning to.
I know she was giving off the “I’m Pissed Off” vibe, but I didn’t notice. She must have been giving non-verbal cues or some other signs. The problem was, that I missed them.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship
Communication is important in a relationship. Misunderstandings happen when one partner thinks the other partner is ignoring them. This happens in our apartment often.
I’m human, and at times I’m a jerk. But, there are times when I don’t understand what my wife’s saying. She will be sitting on the sofa in the living room after dinner. I will be in the kitchen washing dishes.
I’m oversensitive to sounds, too much noise short-circuits my brain
I have a hard time processing sounds. My wife is watching a TV that’s loud enough that the astronauts in the Space Station can hear it. The sensible thing to do is to come into the kitchen and talk to me if she has something to say.
She’s sitting on the sofa chattering away. My mind registers that she’s talking, but I think she’s on her phone. I’m zoned out because I’m thinking of my next Medium story or YouTube video.
I’m not ignoring her, she accuses me of that and makes me angry
My wife will get frustrated because she thinks I’m ignoring her. She yells louder to get my attention. I have to turn off the running water and stop what I’m doing to find out what she wants.
I can go on and on, but these are a few examples of my daily life. When I was homeless in Minneapolis I was seeing a Psychotherapist. During a session out of the blue, she asked, “ Do you have trouble picking up physical cues from people?”
I’m clueless and off-putting, and I don’t always mean to be that way
The question caught me off-guard and I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. After the session and often in the years since I have thought about it, and it’s true.
It’s something at the time I didn’t realize I was doing. I would be trying to talk to someone. I would be annoying them and I wouldn’t see the signs. Sometimes, They would tell me to go away with different degrees of politeness or rudeness.
I don’t always pick up on cues, which makes for awkward situations
The inability to understand physical cues, you guessed it, is another sign of Autism. The weird thing is I’m able to pick up cues sometimes, but a lot of times I don’t pick them up at all.
So, there are times when I say things that hurt my wife’s feelings that I didn’t mean to say. I say or do things that annoy or offend her and I often have no clue until the blow-up occurs.
My wife and I have to work hard, but it’s worth it
Marriage takes work, and we have to work hard because me and my wife both have our issues. It takes communication. I have to remind my wife all the time how I have trouble with distractions.
She doesn’t always get with the program. I’m not always patient with her. We work hard to talk things out so hurts don’t go on too long. In my opinion, our issues have made our bond stronger.
Final Thought:
It took me many years to learn how to love and accept myself so I could love someone else. I’m sixty-five years old and I’m not alone. I thought for years that I would never be with anyone.
If I can find love and maintain a relationship anyone can. It will take love commitment and patience from both parties. If you both want it bad enough you can do it, it’s up to you.
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