God’s power is displayed not in our strength, but in our weakness. Andrew Murray ( FrontierOfHopeMinistry)
I never thought my life would be like this in a million years. Nor did I picture myself as a widow in my early forties and raising my kids on my own while carrying the weight of being a mother/father, provider and comforter. The battles I’ve faced have stretched me in ways I didn’t think were possible-emotionally, financially, mentally and even spiritually.
Through all of it, I held onto my faith. It was my anchor when my nights felt unbearably long, and my tears would not stop. When the bills piled higher than my courage. My faith and hope gave me strength when grief tried to suffocate me. God has been my refuge and light and my reason to keep moving forward. But, if I must be honest with all of you-lately even that light feels like it’s starting to fade.
Sometimes I prayed and dreamed about the career I wanted for myself but I never thought it would happen; but, it is finally happening. I’m stepping into the dream I gave up on. I remember how my husband and I used to discuss it…I should be ecstatic-and I am. It feels like the door God opened, just for me-and, at the right time of my journey.
In the same breath; I feel myself slipping into my old patterns, trying to carry it all alone-trying to prove I can do it without anyone’s help. The truth is-I’m exhausted and my faith feels weaker-it feels like the weight of life are keeping me down. For so many years I’ve kept this flame inside of me alive, on my own strength; instead of reaching out and admitting that I too am tired and weak. To ask God for help is what He waits on. He doesn’t force Himself on us, He waits patiently; like the loving Father He is.
Surrender All Your Burdens Through The Storms of Life To Him
This season is teaching me that my faith is not just about surviving the storms-it’s about surrendering when the skies are clear too. I realized that I cannot keep pushing through everything on my own anymore. I (We) can’t just lean on God when I’m busy drowning- but then I want to row the boat myself, once I catch my breath. I need Him in my victories and in my struggles-and I need people too, and that, has been hard for me to admit to myself.
I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, Imperfect and beautiful journey of life. Unknown
I spent these last few years being strong for my children, for my home-and for my own survival and to let to allow others step in and help feels unnatural. So, I’m learning to allow my friends help where necessary while preparing me for the road ahead, isn’t weakness-it’s wisdom.
Scripture reminds us that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians : 12:9. So, my weakness isn’t my failure, but it’s the very place where God shows himself strong enough to carry me through it.
So today, I choose to fight back against my fears, doubts, and against the urge to do it all by myself. I choose to trust God to trust God’s timing, His process and His provision for me and my family and believe that this new opportunity isn’t just an answered prayer, but His plan to restore, bless and to give my children and I a future filled with hope.
This time I’m going to let Him take complete control. My story isn’t finished-but one thing is certain: when my faith feels like it’s weighing me down, I know God is still the one carrying me through it all. He always had my back and He will never let go of my hand.
Leave a Reply