How to Use a Peripheral View in Communication
Author Jim Rohn once said, “If you just communicate, you can get by. But if you communicate skillfully, you can work miracles.” Most textbooks and self-help manuals about communication are based on models that are seldom about what is between and beyond the interactions of individuals. There is assertiveness training, refuting irrational thoughts, conflict resolution, and so on. All without the infinitely wider contextual applications of living. Adversarial disagreements and polarization are at a high level, and couples therapists are overloaded with the presenting problem of “They are having communication discord.”
“It is a continuous interchange between two consciousnesses… a continuous intersubjectivity that goes both ways all the time.” Ursula K. Le Guin
“Raga”
Source: Natasharabin.com (c) with permission
Take this excellent thought by Ursula K. Le Guin about the potential of a more profound and more rewarding Interpersonal communication experience, which ultimately is a process of blending with another. “Any two things that oscillate at about the same interval, if they’re physically near each other, will gradually tend to lock in and pulse at the same interval.” This is like seeing two pendulums starting at different speeds that eventually move in harmony.
This process is available to humans. Women in a college dorm will often experience their menstrual cycles at the same time; those who practice Aikido (a martial art based on harmony), as I have, feel it when blending in complex, interactive maneuvers.
Another example is attending an Indian music concert and listening to a raga, which is a melodic framework for improvisation in Indian classical music, akin to a rhythmic mode. If desired, two people who share an inherent harmony can communicate verbally and physically at the same time in a graceful synchrony. When it doesn’t occur, the results can be devastating and painful or just a missed opportunity.
My mentor at Columbia University, anthropologist Paul Byers
specialized in interpersonal communication. He filmed and studied how human interactive systems are like nature, functioning in a process where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. In many ways, his work was like entering a holographic image, which appears to be three-dimensional, as each segment duplicates the original image. This demonstrates quite convincingly that the whole is in fact more than its parts.
“Aikido, The Way of Harmony”
Source: Caroline Silvestri (c) with permission
When I was the principal of an alternative high school, I was doing research for my dissertation on how communication “double binds” (being between a rock and a hard place) occurs. Paul visited the school to help me with some concerning disagreements between the students. After listening to various troublesome issues, he had us hold hands and then discuss our feelings about our connections with each other and how we can be more interdependent, now, then, and as we move forward. This brought a sense of harmony, laughter, and warmth to all involved, many of whom pointed to that moment as the beginning of new and exciting friendships during that school year. It was based on a broader understanding of the value in sharing and learning about each other’s lives.
My fascination was even more enlightening when I observed how they became choreographed, both verbally and nonverbally. This resulted from filming these interactions, slowing down the frames, and observing the distinct blending dance of harmony in slow motion.
Paul believed that we communicate through “shared states.” This state sharing is like being with someone on an escalator, moving at a constant speed despite different temperaments. When joining begins, even with different cultural attributes or energy, a “phase-locking” occurs. It is similar to a win-win volley on a ping pong table. Communication becomes synchronized and incorporates biological rhythms, creating a powerful opportunity to foster excellent relationship possibilities.
Ursula K. Le Guin elaborates this natural phenomenon as a “…continuous interchange between two consciousnesses…a continuous intersubjectivity that goes both ways all the time.” When we feel the entrainment resulting from this experience of communicating, there is a natural evolution to using all our senses, in what anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson called a “Peripheral View.” It is here that we can expand the edges of our awareness to encourage improvisational expression.
Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell underscored the above by emphasizing how being cognizant of our social and cultural contexts is crucial in this process. This synchronicity is dependent on our sensitivity to nonverbal cues. These “Interpersonal contexts,” according to media expert Marshall McLuhan, are where we understand each other on a deeper level.
Interpersonal Communication
Source: Photo by Yan krukau from Pexels
The barriers to this peripheral ecological way of joining can be traced to cultural constraints from the institutional psychology of our dominant institutions, such as schooling, politics, media, and medicine. This results in a fragmented, disconnected framework. It is unfortunately driven by imposing that the parts are equal to the whole. By its nature, it invites a reductionist outcome, favoring separation rather than collaboration with the complex interdependencies that exist across these contexts.
Another challenge is digital texting tools that try to help convey emotion. It is like trying to pull the grapes out of the wine, as Nora Bateson, President of the International Bateson Institute, believes. Our movement towards less face-to-face communication can discourage the development of verbal and nonverbal skills. This has already impacted our well-being, affecting psychological states of loneliness, anxiety, and relationships. However, when we do communicate in each other’s proximity in a peripheral interconnected manner, there is, as Maria Popovo, creator of The Marginalian, describes, “…the most magical thing, the most sacred thing, is that whichever the outcome, we end up having transformed one another in this vulnerable-making process of speaking and listening.
Here are a few Prompts to discuss about having a peripheral View regarding communication:
How is it to be you in relationship to public education, politics, your family, work, and community?
How satisfied are you with your communications with your neighbors and close friends?
In what contexts do you view your communication skills as being satisfying or frustrating?
How do you respond to someone who is angry at you?
In what ways do you experience intimacy in your involvement in decision-making with others?
*Originally published in My Psychology Today Blog 9/17/25
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