The Complexities of “Adulting”: Reflections on Work, Identity, and Nostalgia
If it is not already evident, this reflection engages with the counterintuitive and often paradoxical experience of “adulting.” By “adulting,” I refer to the transition into the responsibilities and expectations of adulthood, a term that has increasingly found resonance in contemporary discourse.
While my initial motivation may have been literary venting, it has evolved into a meditation on the frustrations, contradictions, and hidden lessons embedded within the adult experience.
For many, the phrase “adulting sucks” becomes a mantra that captures the disillusionment of early or even later adulthood. The once carefree days of youthful autonomy and unstructured play give way to obligations, erratic schedules, and the subtle erosion of one’s sense of freedom.
Through self-reflection, I identified three recurring contexts in which individuals are most likely to invoke this mantra: (1) when one finds oneself in an unfulfilling occupation, (2) when one feels compelled to adopt an identity that is inauthentic, and (3) when one experiences nostalgia for the simplicity of childhood.
1. The Burden of Unfulfilling Work
One of the primary reasons individuals declare that “adulting sucks” is the discontent that arises from being trapped in work that feels meaningless or misaligned with one’s values.
Employment, while necessary for financial stability, can become a site of disillusionment when the tasks performed do not resonate with a person’s interests or intrinsic motivations. This is further exacerbated by societal pressures to remain “productive” at all costs—signing up for every opportunity, overcommitting to responsibilities, and mistaking busyness for purpose.
The scholar Cal Newport offers a useful framework in his book So Good They Can’t Ignore You, which challenges the popular “follow your passion” narrative. He emphasizes instead the cultivation of a craftsman mindset: focusing not on what the world can offer us but on what we can contribute to the world.
This approach, coupled with building “career capital” (autonomy, mastery, and purpose), encourages individuals to develop the skills and competencies necessary for long-term fulfillment rather than chasing elusive ideals of the “perfect job.”
Before abandoning a position perceived as unfulfilling, it may be worth considering several questions:
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Am I more focused on extracting benefits than on contributing value?
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Do I possess intrinsic motivation for this role, or was it imposed by external pressures?
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Have I invested enough time to accumulate meaningful career capital?
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Can I envision myself growing within this trajectory over the long term?
Answering these questions with intellectual honesty may help distinguish between temporary dissatisfaction and a deeper misalignment requiring transition.
2. The Pressure of Inauthentic Identity
Another reason adulthood feels burdensome lies in the demand to conform to socially constructed ideals of what it means to be an “adult.” The phrase “act like an adult” often implies suppressing playfulness, creativity, or vulnerability, which are qualities that, ironically, enrich human experience. Such pressures reduce adulthood to performance, creating individuals who resemble “walking robots” rather than vibrant, complex beings.
The sociological critique here is clear: societal norms often promote conformity at the expense of authenticity. When individuals mask their true selves to align with expectations, they risk eroding their sense of identity.
As Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory suggests, authenticity is central to identity formation and well-being. The antidote to this erosion is to resist reductionist expectations and instead create or find spaces where individuality and creativity can thrive.
3. The Nostalgia of Childhood
Finally, nostalgia plays a profound role in why adulthood feels disheartening. Childhood, despite its frustrations, is often remembered as a time of joy, spontaneity, and wonder. In adulthood, nostalgia surfaces as a longing for the simplicity of days when life was defined by play, imagination, and freedom from responsibility.
Psychologists argue that nostalgia serves a psychological function. It builds continuity of self across time and can provide comfort in moments of stress or uncertainty.
Rather than dismissing these feelings, one might engage them constructively by integrating aspects of childlike wonder into adult life: playing in the rain, revisiting beloved stories, or rekindling dormant hobbies. Such practices sustain the “inner child,” reminding us that adulthood does not necessitate the abandonment of joy.
Conclusions: Reframing the Narrative of Adulting
The inevitability of adulthood cannot be escaped—barring scientific breakthroughs, we are destined to spend the majority of our lives as adults. Yet this inevitability need not be synonymous with despair.
Life at any stage “sucks” at certain moments: childhood has its exclusions and frustrations, just as adulthood bears its weight of responsibility. What matters, then, is how we frame and engage with these challenges.
To paraphrase the original sentiment: adulting is what we make of it. If approached with self-awareness, intentionality, and creativity, it can become bold, bright, and meaningful.
Rather than viewing adulthood as the death of freedom, it might instead be seen as a new canvas—one that invites us to carry forward the best of our youthful selves while building lives rich with purpose and authenticity.
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