Get through it as best as you can
I was sitting in the waiting area of the homeless shelter. I leaned my head back and did my best to zone out. The best thing I could have done was think of the good times. The positive thoughts would have helped me.
I focussed on regrets and mistakes, and it didn’t help at all
I dwelled on the negative. Every night I rehashed the past. A past I couldn’t do anything about. “ I suck at decision-making.” I thought more than once. The guilt trip and pity party continued after I escaped Minneapolis.
In my mind, I was a failure as a son. I let my parents down in a big way. My parents raised me in a church. I was living at home into my forties. My dad quit going to church. I went to church with my mom, not because I sought God, but because I didn’t want my mom to be alone.
I gave up on the one thing that would have helped
I quit going to church. I didn’t understand why until years after my mom’s death. It wasn’t rebelling against God so much, but that played into it. I wanted separation from my mom.
I wish I never quit going to church. One good thing about attending a church is that happy and positive people surround you. At the least, it wouldn’t have hurt me.
I let my mom down, I have a hard time forgiving myself
I let Mom down. She thought she was a failure as a parent. It kills me that she died thinking that. There’s nothing I can do about that now. I go to church with my wife. I read my Bible and pray. If my mom is watching, I hope she’s pleased.
The one thing I did right, was I learned how to show my dad I loved him
The one thing I’m most proud of in my life. After my mom died me and my dad built a relationship after a lifetime of misunderstanding each other. We had a great twelve years together that ended when he died less than six weeks after they found the cancer.
I let my dad down as well, I know he forgave me.
My dad left me enough money that should have lasted me a long time. Eight years after my dad died I was homeless. I had some bad breaks for sure, but the bottom line is I mismanaged my money.
There’s a lot of room for self-pity. I explored that room to the point where I knew every nook and cranny. One day I said, “Enough.” I’m working on forgiving myself.
I think I’m past it all, then it all comes back
I do pretty well, but the past few days have been rough. I’m a Wallace, so I’m prone to moodiness. It’s getting on my wife’s nerves. I’ll be better after I post this.
How do you heal from guilt?
I’m not a health professional. There’s a good chance I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I will give it a shot.
1. Pray about it and read your Bible.
If you can’t talk to anyone else, talk to God. The Bible has a lot of good content that’s common sense advice. , we all need a higher power in our lives. Talk it out with someone and get it off your chest.
2. Forgive yourself.
I let my parents down, there’s no doubt; but, the last thing they would want is for me to beat myself up about it. They forgive me, so I need to forgive myself. Forgive yourself and move on.
3. Find something to focus on.
I haven’t felt right for several days. I struggle with depression and after a long time of feeling good, I’m fighting sadness. It’s at the point where it’s upsetting my wife.
I had to get out today, so I walked to the Dollar Tree to buy some stuff for my wife. I didn’t get all she wanted, so I walked back to the store and got it right.
Get things off your chest in a constructive way.
I came home hot and tired. I resisted the urge to start an argument and sat in front of my Surface Pro and wrote this story. Writing the story and getting things off my chest made me feel better, and tired me out.
There will be peace in the apartment tonight. My wife said she would cook chili dogs. That will make things better for sure.
The Bottom Line:
The point is, don’t wallow in misery. It serves no purpose. Try to figure out what is bumming you out and deal with it. It’s not easy to do. It’s exhausting, but you can’t let things tear you up inside.
Writing is a great therapy if you have no one to talk to.
Final Thought:
Guilt is a terrible thing; it’s also a waste of time and energy. You can’t change the past. All you can do is focus on the present. If the guilt and depression get too much you need to get it out in any way that’s best for you.
Don’t let guilt ruin your life.
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