Some families can handle it, mine didn’t
“ We’re going into business. We bought a Donut Shop.” My excited mom told the family one evening. My dad had worked in a donut shop when he was a teenager, but other than that, we had no experience in the donut business.
It was a bad time for our family. None of us was happy. Dad wasn’t happy with his job. I had never been able to keep a job. The job I had at the time was terrible. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea. My two younger brothers were not enthusiastic either. I knew the first night in the shop that it wasn’t going to work.
My dad lost his mind and took it out on the family
My dad ran my brothers off. I couldn’t quit because I knew my mom would work herself to the mental hospital or the grave. It got so bad that I had to run from my dad one night. He was going to kill me because he didn’t like the way I fried the donuts.
My mom got between us and screamed. That’s the only thing that saved my dad from prison and me from an early grave. Nine months after my mom and dad bought the donut shop, we were out of business and bankrupt.
Think twice before opening a family business
My mom had heard that families shouldn’t go into business together. She thought our family was different. She was wrong. The Donut Shop was a trap. If I quit like my brothers. My mom would have killed herself trying to do it by herself.
I stayed and took up the slack as best I could. My dad would get off work and go to the shop and cause as much anger and chaos as possible. He would leave a mess for my mom and me. The strain was getting to us all.
One morning, nine months later. I woke up hearing my mom crying and begging on the phone. The Health Inspector was closing us down. As my mom cried, I thanked God that I didn’t have to go back to that hell.
I see families in business together, and I wonder how they do it
The thought of having a family business appeals to some people. I have heard that it can bring families together. It tore my family apart. Every hidden resentment, The Donut Shop exposed every suppressed fissure.
My advice is not to go into business together as a family. You will see and learn things about your family that you wish you had never seen. My mom wanted a family business. She had the misguided belief that her will would power us through it.
I saw what my dad really thought about his family
The problem that my mom didn’t consider. My dad thought his adult kids were stupid. He had to be the expert because he worked at a donut shop when he was a teenager, and his kids were lazy and stupid.
In his mind, I was suspect because I was “Stupid,” I was Dyslexic, and “Brain Damaged.” I, in turn, resented my dad because he was a bully. My brothers didn’t put up with my dad’s crap. They bailed. My mom hired a young lady to work the counter so she could get some sleep.
Another piece of advice: be careful who you hire
We discovered too late that the young lady had helped herself to the till. I worked my guts out and didn’t get a dime because our employee was taking all our money. Everything that could go wrong went wrong.
Like most victims of cons, my family was vulnerable. We bought a business with broken-down equipment. The business was dependent on deliveries of products to businesses. We delivered to gas stations, diners, and other places.
I wish it had happened sooner
Missing one night of deliveries was enough to put us out of business. The margin was that tight. My next piece of advice, have enough capital to get through the first year. The first year of a food business is rough, so be prepared.
It’s important not to romanticize the idea of a family business. It will be hard and stressful work. Are you sure you and your family can handle it? I’m begging you to think of the ramifications of your decision.
My family was never the same; resentment lingered for years
The nine months of the donut Shop affected the dynamics of my family for years. It was never the same after that. My dad, for years, blamed everyone but himself for the failure of the business. For years, he talked about buying another Donut shop so he could run it himself to show the family how right he was.
He didn’t understand and admit what he did until years after my mom died. We found out years before my mom died that my dad had a constriction in his carotid arteries. The constriction caused mini-strokes and mood swings.
Blood thinners ended the strokes. Years later, Dad admitted to me and came as close as he could to an apology. He admitted the strokes and the stress of the business affected him in a bad way. The Donut Shop was in the 1980s. The pain lasted for years and years.
Final Thought:
Having a family business is not fun and games. So, it would help if you were prepared for the drama that’s coming. Also, and I know it’s obvious, but don’t walk into a business you know nothing about. You will walk into a world of pain.
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