Why Your Retirement Might Just Be a New Kind of “Busy”
Designing a Purpose-Driven Life: Why Your Retirement Needs a Destination, Not Just an Exit Strategy
For decades, we have been conditioned to view retirement as the ultimate destination—the “finish line” where the alarm clocks stop, the neckties come off, and the stress of the corporate world finally evaporates into a permanent vacation. But what happens when you cross that invisible threshold and find that, instead of peace, you’ve simply brought the office home with you?
In my upcoming book, Intentional Retirement, I explore the jarring reality that many high-achievers face: the realization that they aren’t actually retired; they’re just “unpaid.”
The Trap of the “Unpaid” Executive
Retirement rarely starts with a bang. For most, it arrives like a long, slow exhale after a grueling, multi-decade marathon. When I finally stepped away from the 9-to-5 grind, I didn’t have a vision board or a master plan. I simply thought I was done.
However, my mind didn’t get the memo. I found myself juggling board meetings, speaking at events, and maintaining a frantic pace that mirrored my old career—just without the paycheck. A close friend finally called me out on it: “Gary, you’re not retired—you’re just unpaid.”
That realization was a physical blow. It forced me to ask the question that serves as the heartbeat of this book: “What do I actually want this new chapter to feel like?”
Moving “Toward” Instead of Just “Away”
Most people plan their retirement as an exit strategy—a desperate “push” away from stress and deadlines. While that provides immediate relief, it is often temporary. Without a clear “pull” toward a new purpose, you eventually find yourself standing in a vast, empty field of time, unsure of which way to walk.
In those early months, I filled my calendar because “busy” had become my core identity. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t productive. This is what researchers call Role Theory: the sociological framework we derive our self-worth from the parts we play—The Director, The President, The Expert.
When you experience a “Role Exit” without a corresponding “Role Entry” into something intentional, you face a psychological void. To heal that sting, many of us instinctively recreate the very stress we tried to escape, filling our days with low-value “busy work” just to feel valid.
Designing a Life of Significance
The goal of Intentional Retirement isn’t just to help you stop working; it’s to help you start being. There is a profound difference between being retired because you no longer have an office and feeling “at home” in your retirement because you finally have a purpose.
To find that home, we have to stop looking at the “ghosts” of our former titles and start looking forward at the life we are currently architecting. We have to move from a life that is “unpaid” to a life that is truly significant.
A Glimpse into the Work: Reflections for Your Second Act
In the book, I challenge readers to perform an “Unpaid Audit” of their lives. It’s time to look at your commitments—the boards, the volunteering, the “favors”—and ask: Are you truly retired, or have you just replaced your old job with a new set of obligations that mimic your old stress levels?
I also encourage a “Scaffolding Test.” If your professional title was the scaffolding for the building of your life, and that scaffolding is now gone, what parts of your “true self” feel shaky or unfinished?
What’s Next?
Designing a meaningful retirement requires addressing the “who” before we can master the “what.” We must deal with the person we see in the mirror and learn to separate our worth from our work.
Intentional Retirement is more than a guide to finishing well; it’s a blueprint for starting fresh. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more insights from the book, including how to perform a radical “Identity De-Coupling” to discover who you are when the title is finally gone.
Stay tuned for the official launch. It’s time to stop being “unpaid” and start being intentional.
About the Author
Gary Fretwell writes about the intersection of work, well-being, and reclaiming our inner lives. He is currently experimenting with quiet ways to survive a noisy world from Prescott, Arizona.
If you want to learn more about my background, enjoy this article by Dr Mehmet Yildiz.
A Comprehensive Interview with Gary L. Fretwell, The Bestselling Author of The Magic of a Moment: Gary is a retired executive who helped around 1,000 institutions worldwide. He is also an author of multiple…medium.com
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