When I was homeless in Minneapolis, I had State-provided health insurance and I was seeing a psychotherapist. During a session, the psychotherapist suggested I undergo neuropsychological testing.
I photographed the test results with my iPhone and sent a hard copy to Social Security with my Disability claim. Recently, I found the report in my Google Cloud storage.
I didn’t do a good job taking the pictures, but I was able to read enough. The report blows my mind. It explains so much. I often wonder why life is so much harder than I want it to be and now I have some clarity.
The first thing a person will notice when trying to get to know me is that I don’t express emotions well. I might not laugh at his jokes or make an inappropriate comment and embarrass myself.
I have trouble expressing emotions. A consequence is I hold anger in too long. When I explode it’s epic and scary. I always say what I don’t need to say. It makes it hard for my wife sometimes.
I don’t like confrontations. Sometimes confrontations are hard to avoid no matter how hard I try to avoid them. Me and my wife don’t fight often. We have found ways to get along, and that amazes me.
I have trouble picking up visible cues. We give off tells when we don’t want someone bothering us. Checking our watches, staring off into space, avoiding eye contact. I will annoy you, you will want me to go away, but I will miss the signs.
It will hurt my feelings when you break down and tell me to “Piss Off,” but what else could you do? It’s a wonder I can have relationships at all.
The answer is I don’t allow people to get too close to me. I never dated in high school and I didn’t start dating at all until I was in my fifties. I met a woman on Facebook and we’re married and happy, but I make things harder than they need to be.
The one thing that caused me problems my whole life, especially my work life and my home life. I have trouble recognizing faces and objects. It will take days or weeks for me to remember your name when we start our acquaintance.
It doesn’t matter. It happened when my dad and I tried to work together, or when I had a job, or if I was trying to do something for my wife.
Someone will send me to find something. My wife would want a pair of scissors, or my dad would want a tool from his toolbox when I was a kid.
I go to get the item and can’t find it. The tool would be a disorganized toolbox, the scissors would be on a desk that’s beyond cluttered. The anger when I can’t find the items immediately is amazing to see.
I am overwhelmed easily. I don’t adapt to new situations and environments well. When I was working I had a hard time keeping jobs. Adapting to environments is hard and it’s harder when I can’t learn the job fast enough for a lot of employers. I never was able to keep a job until I became a security guard at my parent’s insistence.
I’m learning about myself in my sixties. I’m learning things I wish I would have known in my twenties. I might have been able to channel my efforts toward more realistic goals.
The good thing is I have a lot to write about. I’m able to help someone struggling with what I’m struggling with. I’m providing information to help someone understand an employee.
Final Thought:
Neurodiversity is a complex issue. Some of us have a harder time than most people. We can still be good employees and good spouses and sons and daughters. It takes patience and understanding. It’s too bad there’s not enough of that going around.
https://lawsonwallace.substack.com
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