Learning something new about myself
“Son, You could mess up a wet dream.” My dad would yell after I succeeded at making the easy difficult. He was joking, he meant no harm, but it hurt.
It hurt because it was true, and it’s still true today. I always chalked it up to Dyslexia, but I found out later I’m not dyslexic at all. When I was homeless in Minneapolis I saw a Psychotherapist. During one of our sessions, she recommended Neuropsychological Testing.
Finding ideas for stories anywhere I can
After I received the report of the results I took pictures and uploaded the report to the cloud. I recently found it. I reread it on occasion and I always find ideas to write about.
“Problems with Right Hemisphere Brain Function.”
I read that this morning and decided to do an AI search, I discussed it with Google Bard. It was eye-opening. It’s no wonder I have trouble functioning.
I try to hide them, but the problems are obvious
The obvious issue, anyone who ever tried to teach me anything would notice. I have a hard time focusing. Paying attention is a problem for me. I get lost in my head often and in the worst times. I don’t always mean to do it, but I zone people out.
Stress is a trigger for the behavior. My dad thought it was intentional when I was a kid. He was a soldier and he loved to give an ass-chewing.
Overwhelm me stress me out, and wonder why things go wrong
He would overwhelm and stress me out. I would shut him out as a defense mechanism. It’s obvious when I zone out. My dad would see it and it would piss him off more, fun times.
I also have problems processing emotions. I can be happy but most people can’t tell because I always look angry. I try not to get angry often because when I am I’m capable of saying and doing anything.
I’m not good with the whole feelings thing, but I like to think I’m getting better
I never picked fights when I was a kid, I avoided fights as much as I could, but once I threw down it would be bad. I wouldn’t stop until I was stopped.
The issues with right hemisphere brain functioning also affect visual awareness. It’s not unheard of for me not to see the car in the intersection coming up on my left side. My eyes will see the car coming, but it will take a second for it to register in my brain.
It bugs my wife a lot, but it can’t be helped
It always frustrated my parents and employers. They would send me to find something. I wouldn’t find it fast enough. They would come up behind me and the object would be out in the open. I didn’t see it, but I should have.
The human brain is Resilient. I have learned to compensate for a lot of things. But, as I get older it seems like I’m regressing. It takes too long to understand what my wife is saying a lot of times. It frustrates her when I don’t answer a question fast enough.
I have to think first, is that a bad thing?
There’s a difference between being “dumb,” “Slow,” and deliberate. I’m not slow or dumb, but I have to think before I say or do anything. In my mind, that’s a strength. If more people thought before they spoke or acted we would get along better.
Not everyone can be quick-witted. Some of us have to think before we act or say anything. The problem is not with the person whose brain is different. The problem is with the people who lack empathy and patience.
Vocational Rehabilitation, no good memories there
My parents tried to help. They were always talking me into attending Vocational Rehabilitation programs. In the eighties, we lived in Fort Worth Texas. The VR Counselor told me my life “Was a Legacy of Failure.”
It’s a matter of interpretation. I could have done better. It’s water under the bridge. I often wonder if I would have been better off knowing the depth of my cognitive issues when I was younger. Would I have been so hard on myself, or would I have wallowed in self-pity?
It was a hard life in a lot of ways, but I turned into a decent writer
It was a hard life, but I got through it and I’m writing and creating videos. I always wanted to be a creator and now I’m doing it. In a few days, I will be sixty-five.
I’m at peace for the first time in my life and I’m going to enjoy it.
Final Thought:
It’s easy to judge. We see the person who seems bright but who never seems to get anywhere. We call him lazy and unmotivated. We wonder why he doesn’t pay attention.
We spend so much time judging and we don’t want to cut that person any slack. That person may have a problem he can’t help, but you’re being mean and judgmental, and that’s by choice. Who has the bigger problem?
A little compassion goes a long way. It wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to help someone who wants to succeed in life more than you know. We all have problems and limitations, but some aren’t obvious.
Thank you for reading. Please subscribe to my newsletter.
Challenges in Visual and Nonverbal Problem Solving
The art of making simple difficult and frustrating peoplemedium.com
Leave a Reply