The Art of Seeing Differently: Escaping the Trap of the Known
Abstract
The article explores the importance of “noticing” in our daily lives, emphasizing how our perceptions shape our understanding of the world. It encourages readers to question their awareness of societal dynamics and interpersonal relationships. By prompting self-reflection through specific questions, the author suggests that a shift in perspective can reveal hidden insights and build deeper connections. The text underscores the role of mindfulness and intentional observation in enhancing self-awareness and communication. Additionally, it highlights the value of understanding complexities in human interactions and advocates for a more empathetic approach to interpreting life experiences and relationships.
Written by Dr Kenneth Silvesri
Here’s how and why to go beyond looking for the familiar
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life? — Mary Oliver
Because how we look at the world shapes the world we see, every act of noticing is an act of worlding. — Maria Popovo
“Looking” is to be aware on many levels, i.e., to avoid falling, being taken advantage of, giving a “how do you do” to an acquaintance, driving your car, etc. It is a recognition of what is culturally acceptable. However, when we attempt to probe into what maintains and improves our everyday life, it opens a segue to what it is that we should be “noticing.”
This is where the depth of all that has occurred in our complex world exists. It necessitates a perceptual change to put things in context. It is a process that begins to explore what we do not usually see or listen to in our day-to-day “looking.” To start with, here are some questions to prime the pump of the gift of “noticing.” Try answering them briefly in a dialogue with a trusted friend or significant other.
Questions to Enhance Awareness
- In what way are you concerned about what is occurring in the world and how it affects your life?
- How could you strive to accomplish interpersonal communication that feels mutual with another?
- What things do you believe are unknown in your relationships with others and your environment?
- How useful would it be for your relationships to be more fulfilling?
- In what ways would creating different relational experiences help expand your sense of self?
How to Visualize the Unseen
After answering the above questions, imagine stepping outside of your physical, everyday “looking” mode and creating a visual collage of “noticing” what you may be missing in your relationships with all, both social and physical, that you encounter each day. Use your intuition to devise a plan to explore what you may be lacking in your relationships and aspirations.
Think of a time when you had a strong feeling about learning something new. What allowed or stopped you from doing it? Imagine having a wide-angle lens in your eyes, allowing you to zoom in and out. Create a peripheral perspective of what would make a desired difference in your life. Jot down some thoughts that you noticed about how you could make a difference in your life.
L.A. Paul wrote in her book Transformative Experience, “For many big life choices, we only learn what we need to know after we’ve done it, and we change ourselves in the process of doing it.” Have you ever felt that way? Bruce Lipton, author of Biology of Belief, describes how this occurs. He points out the enormous disparity in how we access information. Our subconscious processes nearly 30 million stimuli per second, compared to approximately 30 stimuli per second that our everyday conscious processes. How do we manage human phenomena, especially regarding all and everything that enters our minds and bodies? Nora Bateson, President of the International Bateson Institute, believes that nothing is hidden, yet much is unseen, and thus “The familiar is not the only way.”
It is all too easy to accept things superficially in our culture. We are so ingrained with narrow reasoning that we miss broader ecological contexts. This insults the complexity of our lives. It imposes a sense of fragmentation. Yes or no; black or white — look at the extreme polarization that exists, or how naive we have been made to believe that environmental issues are not connected to human health and chronic illness.
Having been trained primarily as an anthropologist, I was taught to notice and describe what lies between the infinite remarkable possibilities of everyday relationships. We all have much in common. There will inevitably be subjectivity in our interpretations. Still, the more we share them, the more apt we are to create a collective mutual agreement about how all patterns of our existence connect interdependently.
This can be seen, for instance, by noticing how a child is in a relationship with their family, their teacher, yet simultaneously interacting with media, technology, religion, peers, and so on, not to mention the tensions and joys of her adult caregivers. Imagine the many hidden insights and opportunities that will arise when we are humble enough to listen and share. We are all potential anthropologists, with the chance to look beyond what we easily miss. This is what ethnography (the profound study of cultural interactions) is about: understanding the hidden aspects of our lives and how we can unearth them to evolve and better survive.
Becoming a Liminal Facilitator
To be more noticing is to be a “liminal facilitator.” Start by taking some coherent breathing, developed by Stephen Elliott (six-second inhale and six-second exhale with a positive thought), and allow for any natural “pauses” in your thought process to occur. This is how our brain internalizes the patterns of our experiences before engaging with another, or what it is that you are encountering. Be cognizant of what emerges within these pauses, especially during your Interpersonal conversations. This is the segue to explore and strengthen our relationships, which range from significant to casual. Maria Popovo eloquently describes this process by pointing out, “To concentrate attention in an act of noticing is to consecrate this here — a way of blessing our own lives.”
It is this blessing that serves as the means to uncover what needs to be heard. It is available and accessible in a manner exemplified by how anthropologist Levi Strauss’s concept of “bricolage” is applied. In bricolage, a person uses all their tools to adjust and discover, using the seemingly messy and beautiful, yet hidden, things we already have access to in our day-to-day endeavors. Using introspection and mindfulness helps conjure up that missing cog, which seemingly and magically appears to keep the wheel of life going.
Imagine yourself in this hypothetical space (where possibilities exist) between inductive and deductive logic to allow for what needs to emerge and be noticed. American philosopher Charles Sanders Peirce coined the term “abductive reasoning” to describe this pause or gap, which, in essence, is where and how, as a species, we find our evolution.
It comes to fruition, aptly described by poet Lia Purura as being where “… seeing I called to things, and in turn, things called me, applied me to their sight and we became each as treasure, startling to one another, and rare.” This is reminiscent of William Blake noticing the comparison of choices in perspective with “…a tree which moves some to is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way.”
Let’s Explore Hidden Positives
Why and how does this happen? Are there positives to explore in these spaces to “notice” what is hidden? How can or will it create a better life for you, your family, your community, your nation, and the world? Will noticing what can be heard from those hidden spaces within your relationships with others, your desires, and through mutual dialogue help you move forward from past grievances and create self-fulfillment? It can only be found beneath and beyond where you have been previously looking.
- This article was originally published in my Psychology Today Blog, October 3, 2025, in a slightly different version.
- For related articles on empathy and relationships, see: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wider-lens
Thank you for reading my story.
You can find me on Medium, Psychology Today, and Substack:
Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter on Substack.
You can get some info about my background from the attached post:
Leave a Reply