I’m still living this story… for a few more weeks, at least.
By the end of this month, I’ll be stepping out of a role that’s taught me more about leadership than any book or seminar ever could.
A few months ago, I joined a growing digital marketing agency to help bring order to its operations.
My role was to manage client projects, coordinate deliverables, and build the systems that would finally give the team a sense of structure.
On paper, it sounded perfect: clear responsibilities, well-defined goals, and the freedom to organize things efficiently.
But I quickly learned that the real chaos wasn’t in the projects.
It was in how they were led.
The Messy Setup
We manage everything inside Basecamp: client chats, task lists, and project dashboards. In theory, that should make collaboration smooth.
In practice, it’s… a mess.
The founder insists that everything, including internal updates meant only for him, be posted inside the same project space where clients can see them.
According to his “transparency rule,” there should be no private communication. Every message must be pinned right at the top of the project board so he can “see at a glance” what’s going on.
So, I post what he asks for: dashboards titled “Project Updates” or “Campaign Progress” — even though half the points are just items waiting for his review.
Naturally, clients assume those updates are meant for them. They read them, get confused, and start asking questions about things that aren’t even finalized.
The irony is painful: the very rule meant to create clarity ends up creating confusion and tension.
When Priorities Change by the Hour
Just when things start to feel under control, the founder drops one of his famous “urgent” messages.
A few of the recent ones still make me laugh (in a tired kind of way):
- “Can you rewrite the Facebook ad copy?” — right after we finalized the funnel and scheduled the campaign.
- “I’ve just edited the newsletter you wrote.” — even though it was already sent 20 minutes earlier.
- “We’re switching funnel plans for this project.” — a day after our tech marketer spent hours building new landing pages based on the previous plan.
- “Can you set up this 5-day email workflow?” — for a client who had explicitly told us they didn’t want more frequent emails and were happy with one newsletter a week.
Each new “urgent” request resets priorities, confuses the team, and leaves clients wondering why today’s plan no longer matches yesterday’s promises.
Responsibility Without Control
This is where the real strain sets in.
I’m responsible for outcomes: for client satisfaction, project progress, and timely delivery. But every meaningful decision still goes through him.
He wants me to “take ownership,” but not autonomy.
To be accountable, but not empowered.
When projects succeed, it’s teamwork.
When they fall apart, it’s because “the systems weren’t built fast enough.”
You can’t build systems in a storm led by someone who keeps changing the wind direction.
When Leadership Becomes the Bottleneck
The cracks started showing where it mattered most = with clients.
They’d see half-complete updates pinned on Basecamp and assume campaigns were ready.
Then the founder would change directions midstream, and I’d have to backtrack, re-explain, and rebuild trust.
Eventually, some clients quietly left.
And internally, burnout started to creep in, not from long hours, but from never being able to move forward without a new interruption.
The Real Lesson
This experience taught me something I didn’t expect:
Burnout doesn’t always come from doing too much.
Sometimes it comes from doing enough, but constantly being second-guessed.
It’s the exhaustion of being accountable without the authority to make real decisions.
The slow drain of energy that happens when you care deeply but aren’t trusted to lead in the space you were hired for.
You don’t collapse dramatically.
You just crack quietly while still saying, “It’s fine.”
What Helped Me See It Differently
As I prepare to close this chapter, I’ve realized that what I needed most wasn’t another productivity tool or time-management system.
It was a better understanding of leadership: what it looks like when done right, and how to build it in myself no matter where I go next.
If you’ve ever been in a similar situation — leading without power, trying to create order in chaos — I’d encourage you to take a step back and refill your perspective.
That’s why I’m sharing about this upcoming event: Live2Lead Malaysia.
It’s a one-day leadership experience that brings together powerful lessons from world-class speakers and local leaders.
It’s a day to realign, rethink, and reset how you lead, whether you’re managing people, projects, or just your own growth.
If you’re feeling stretched between responsibility and control, maybe it’s time to pause, listen, and lead differently.
I know that’s what I’m choosing to do next.
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