It all started with a happy, uneventful pregnancy. Little did I know that there would be some catastrophic turn of events later.
If you have been reading my articles since the start, you must have an idea of how bad OCD and bipolar symptoms I have had in the past. Even though my pregnancy went smoothly, I did not know what chemical reactions were happening in my body underneath all that.
Studies indicate that there is a 15 to 50% chance of getting postpartum depression if a woman has a prior history of Bipolar disorder.
For me, I was not aware of this. Therefore, I was not ready for it.
Even though I had a good pregnancy, my delivery was the opposite.
After hours of artificial pains and dilating till only 2.5 cm, I was taken for an emergency C-section.
I think the major reason for my depression was the feeling of guilt and turmoil that my body had failed me.
I wanted a perfect natural birth, which I did not get. I wanted that beautiful Youtube Vlog worthy birth, which sounds crazy to me now.
I still remember walking in the hospital’s corridor and seeing women who had gone through normal births walk and move so effortlessly, while it was so difficult for me to walk.
I had a complication after my surgery. I suffered from gastric issues, which felt like contractions. It was extremely painful. I felt that gas ball move inside my belly, and the gases would come out of my C-section scar.
When I went home, I saw everyone happy, and I was thinking why I was not feeling that happiness. I wish I had caught this as a sign that something was wrong. I was crying for hours. I did not feel attached to the baby in the beginning. I did not want to eat. Now I know that all these symptoms were of depression. Even though I had a prior history of depression, this time, I did not understand why I was aloof. I was unaware of all that will go wrong. I didn’t recognize what the symptoms would feel and look like as a new mom.
My purpose in sharing my journey with you all is to educate moms and moms-to-be that you must watch out for these symptoms. If you are ready beforehand, you can have a smooth transition to motherhood and not a rocky one as I did.
You can read more of my articles here on https://medium.com/@TheFlyingGirl1
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