No one to blame but yourself
Curator’s Note: The post reflects on the author’s experience with homelessness and their realization of personal accountability. While initially inclined to blame external circumstances, they ultimately recognized that their decisions led to their situation. Through introspection and exposure to the concept of extreme ownership, the author highlights the importance of accepting responsibility for one’s mistakes. They stress that growth often comes from acknowledging failures and making necessary changes. The author advises seeking support, being mindful of financial decisions, and anticipating potential challenges. Their final message underscores the significance of taking ownership and proactively seeking help to avoid repeating past errors. This story was written by Lawson Wallace, who experienced homelessness; therefore, he has great compassion for those who have similar situations.
I don’t remember where I was, but it was while I was homeless, or it was in a doctor’s office in South Carolina after I escaped. I was talking to a nurse before I saw the doctor, and my being homeless came up.
I went into a long diatribe loaded with self-pity and blame-deflection. I went on and on. I noticed the nurse giving me the side-eye treatment. It dawned on me how I sounded.
I knew better than that, and I admitted it
“ You know, this is bullshit. I had some bad breaks, but the only one to blame for me being homeless is me.” When the nurse heard this, she gave a relieved sigh.
It’s true. I was homeless for almost three years, and it didn’t have to happen. I can’t manage money worth a damn, for one thing. I have trouble making decisions and weighing priorities for other things.
It’s all on me; I accepted this and made changes
I watched a TED Talk about extreme ownership. As I listened, I thought about my life. It’s true. I blamed everyone but myself for my failures.
I began to analyze my decision-making processes and my values. It dawned on me that if I had sought good counsel and considered the possible negative outcomes. I could have had better outcomes.
I understand why I made the poor decisions I made. I refuse to make excuses. The mistakes were necessary for my growth process. I was in my fifties and hadn’t grown up yet. When you’re suddenly homeless, you grow up, or you die, or end up in jail.
At some point, you’re going to screw up; deal with it
If you haven’t-screwed up as I have, at some point you will. When you do, don’t waste time blaming people and wallowing in self-pity. Screwing up is an action, and the only way to fix the problem is with action.
I could list the mistakes I made going back years that led up to me being on the streets, but it would take too long. No one forced me to screw up. I did it on my own.
Here are ways to fix the problem
Here’s what you need to do. I didn’t do these things, and I paid the price. You need a support system. People smarter than you. With more life experience. When my parents and uncle were alive, I should have developed more useful friendships.
It would be best if you were better with your money. I’m not good with money. I thought I was doing well at the time, but that changed when the process server knocked on my door.
Look for help before the process server shows up
You need to think about what could happen. I didn’t think of homelessness when I was in Florida. I’m sure I could have found help, but I didn’t look for it.
If I had considered the possible outcome, I damned sure would have sought help. It’s water under the bridge. I pray I never have to go through it again.
Final Thought:
It’s easy to do, and for a lot of us, It’s the first thing that pops into our heads and out of our mouths. We blame everyone and everything. Things happen for sure, but we need to take ownership of our mistakes and work to understand where we went wrong.
If we don’t do that, we will repeat those mistakes. I never want to be homeless again, and I’m damned sure going to seek help when I see the train coming.
Admit you screwed up and get help if you need it.
Lawson’s Fevered Brain | Substack
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