When even a thousand-year-old pirate needs to learn to change.
That morning, the old pirate woke up in a good mood.
He looked in the mirror and realized he was getting old.
He decided to do something about it.
After a long time sailing the seven seas, battling storms, sea monsters, and every kind of challenge, he was ready to change his routine.
He opened the cabin window, breathed in the salty sea air, and shouted to the four winds:
“DAMN IT!!! WHERE’S THE GREAT WHITE SHARK THAT ATE MY ARM????”
Silence.
Only the sound of the waves.
“I’ve been hunting that bastard for over a thousand years…”
He examined the hook that replaced his missing arm and grimaced.
“Smee!”
“Yes, Captain?”
“Bring me some olive oil!”
“Olive oil, Captain?”
“Olive oil! My hook is starting to rust!”
Smee looked suspicious.
“Captain… wouldn’t oil be better?”
“Olive oil is healthier. And besides… Who’s the expert here?”
“You are, sir.”
“Then bring me olive oil!”
Smee ran off.
Hook grumbled:
“This damned salt water rusts everything!”
A pirate’s life was not easy.
Exploring treacherous places.
Facing uncertain depths.
Being pursued by the Navy.
Dodging conflict zones.
And, above all, explaining why a man who had lived so long still hadn’t managed to retire.
But there were adventures, too.
Lost treasures.
Mysterious islands.
Mermaids.
And…
He stopped.
Blinking.
He picked up the binoculars.
There she was.
Flying.
Tiny.
Glowing.
Tinker Bell.
He narrowed his eyes.
“Could that damned Peter Pan be up to something again?”
“Smee!!!”
“Yes, Captain?”
“DROP ANCHOR! QUICK! QUICK!”
“LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOO!!!”
Hook leaped onto the deck.
“LAND AHOY!!! LAND AHOY!!!”
The crew cheered.
The captain dove into the water and swam to the beach.
A short while later, he returned out of breath.
Smee greeted him with an expression of disbelief.
“Are you all right, Captain? You didn’t ask us to take you to the beach. I’ve never seen you swim…”
Hook took a deep breath.
“I need to get some exercise. I ran all the way around the island looking for Tinker Bell!”
“And did you find her?”
“Almost.”
“Almost?”
He touched the feather on his hat.
“Then Tick-Tock the crocodile showed up.”
“And?”
He slowly turned around.
“And, as usual, he took a bite out of my backside.”
“Again, Captain?”
“Again.”
He sighed.
“But this time, I’m not going to see it as bad luck. Maybe I’ll even lose a few pounds…”
Smee watched him for a few seconds.
“You’re acting strange!”
Hook looked at the horizon.
“You know, Smee, I’m starting to realize that it’s much easier to hunt down the great white shark than to find a girlfriend.”
He thought:
At least the shark doesn’t give me butterflies in my stomach.
It doesn’t make my heart race.
And, most importantly, it doesn’t leave me looking like an idiot.
Even so, he decided he would not give up on Tinker Bell.
He would take better care of his body, his long hair, and his mustache, while paying more attention to his health and appearance.
After all, even a pirate needed some company.
There was just one small problem.
Tinker Bell still didn’t know about it.
And Peter Pan probably wouldn’t approve either.
But that could wait.
The captain looked at the water.
Life seemed dull.
Strange.
“Lately, all I’ve been coming across are hammerhead sharks, piranhas, and killer whales.”
He paused.
“But I’m not giving up. A pirate never gives up.”
He needed to stay active.
Maybe even find a way to regain his youth.
Just then, something unexpected happened.
One of the sailors arrived with a red box decorated with an enormous ribbon.
He handed the gift to the captain.
The crew began singing “Happy Birthday.”
Hook blew out the more than a thousand candles stuck into an old buoy.
He was touched.
He wiped a hand across his face, hiding his tears, and shouted, just to keep up the tradition:
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU UP TO?”
“Easy, Captain. It’s just a present.”
Hook opened the box.
He smelled it.
Bit into it.
His eyes widened.
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???”
He bit into it again.
He sat down.
“This is better than rum!”
Smee, startled, asked:
“Captain… have you never eaten chocolate?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“Never!”
He lowered his voice.
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret…”
“I had never tasted anything so delicious.”
And, hiding a smile, he ate every last piece.
That night, Hook gazed at the moon.
The sailors, still very puzzled by the captain’s behavior, began talking.
“The poor man probably can’t adapt to the changing world. Lately, a pirate’s life has been getting harder and harder. Modern ships have advanced security systems… radar, Wi-Fi…”
But the captain was listening to everything.
“I MAY BE OLD, BUT I’M NOT DEAF!”
And he remembered one of his latest failed attempts.
A few days earlier, he had tried to attack a passenger liner using his old cannon.
“FIRE!!!”
BOOOOOOOM!
The cannonball tore through the sky.
Hit the hull.
PLOC.
And fell into the sea.
The ship didn’t even get a scratch.
“Fire again!”
BOOOOOOOM!
Nothing.
The ship continued sailing peacefully.
Then, all of a sudden, a tremendous roar echoed.
Everyone jumped.
They screamed:
“OH, MY GOD!”
The ship’s security system had fired the attack right back.
The Jolly Roger was almost hit.
After hours trying to change course, Hook felt the damage.
His backside was full of holes like a sieve.
To this day, he still had trouble getting his backside onto the deck.
“TECHNOLOGY HAS DESTROYED THE PIRATE PROFESSION!”
To maintain his reputation as the terror of the seven seas, he began carrying out smaller attacks.
The problem was that poor fishing boats had no treasure.
No gold.
No jewels.
No silk.
Just dried fish and farofa.
And, in the end, it even led to a friendship.
The old pirate looked at the hook, which was still rusting.
And at the Jolly Roger, peeling like his own skin.
And he made a decision.
He needed to find somewhere peaceful to live.
And he already knew where.
Neverland.
There, he could remain young alongside Peter Pan’s Lost Boys.
Maybe that was exactly what he needed.
“Smee…”
“Yes, Captain?”
“I think I’m considering retirement.”
“Finally, Captain!”
“Or changing careers.”
“What would you do?”
Hook thought for a moment.
“Maybe open a chocolate shop.”
Smee asked, startled:
“Chocolate?”
“Yes.”
“And do you know anything about chocolate?”
The pirate licked the wrapper of the candy he was still holding.
“No.”
He swallowed.
“But I can learn.”
He thought for a few seconds.
“It’s never too late to learn.”
He smiled.
“And in NEVERLAND, there is no time.”
Smee, surprised by the answer, insisted:
“And what about the great white shark, Captain?”
Hook turned serious.
He stared at the horizon.
“That bastard still owes me an arm.”
He twisted his mustache.
“But I still have another one. And thinking about it… revenge isn’t worth it.”
He adjusted his hat.
Tightened his grip on the hook.
And shouted:
“SMEE!!!”
“Yes, Captain?”
“PREPARE THE SHIP!!!”
“Are we going after the shark?”
“No.”
“Then where are we going?”
The pirate adjusted his red coat and said:
“TO BUILD A CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!”
And so, Hook, Smee, and the crew set sail for Neverland.
The old pirate gazed into the infinite.
His eyes reflecting sunlight and hope.
Suddenly, he wondered if humanity had really changed as much as it seemed.
Technology had advanced, and he had failed to keep up.
But human beings were still at war.
And then, he felt that he could help change something.
Maybe he could make the universe a little sweeter.
And the seas a little more peaceful.
And as the Jolly Roger disappeared over the horizon, it carried with it the possibility of a new beginning.
Maybe growing up didn’t simply mean growing old.
Sometimes, it meant discovering that we can still make a difference in the world.
There was just one small problem.
After a thousand years of battling monsters, sharks, and storms, he had finally found his true enemy:
sugar.
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