Your time is valuable, so I’ll hit you with tough love.
Let’s dive in. Credits: Anupam Singh
I got rejected when I texted her “I love you” at 11:59 pm on Valentine’s Day 2020. My hopes crashed like the Twin Towers.
Friday just passed, and I had the weekend to myself. I had no idea what to do. Solitude became a nightmare.
I kept thinking about her. I wanted to move on without showing my weakness. Aww, what a cute little ego!
Surprisingly, I have a background in Physics. So, I thought science must have my answers.
I recovered fast within two days by understanding the chemistry of hormones:Our hormones run wild if you don’t understand why they strike in the first place.
Here are three ways I reverse-engineered that helped me bounce from the emotional valley in two days.
I know there are many other effective methods apart from the ones I am sharing. The feature of my methods is that they take less time. And I respect your time.
#1. Understand how the love hormone works.
The rush of happiness in a bonding situation like sex or intimate conversation comes from oxytocin — the love hormone.
When you no longer see him/her the same way after rejection, your body goes through oxytocin deprivation.
Now, I am not saying go smack a drug to satiate your oxytocin desire.
Oxytocin is released whenever you’re in a relationship, independent of whether it is romantic or not—the closeness matters.
See the next step to help with the love hormone.
#2. Vent your frustration to the right person.
I found my elixir when I looked at my then-immediate social circle at work. I talked to a friend who has been through a similar situation as me.
He showed tough love, provided thoughtful judgments from his experience and helped me unload my feelings.
He advised me not to send a follow-up letter to attract her love. He told me not to expect closure because closure is not something I truly need.
What I needed was temporary distance.
#3. Get short space to get ahead.
If you’ve completely changed how you look at the person who didn’t reciprocate your feelings, you start pointing everything wrong in them.
Doesn’t it sound familiar? See how Rachel and Ross handled the “we-were-on-a-break” thingy! They screamed at each other in the initial days. Their post-breakup fights have some truth that is applicable in real life too.
To avoid the trap of surrendering to those negative judgement from the rejection, get some distance to get over your old feelings.
Practice all types of self-love — travelling, bathroom singing, cooking, outdoor games, porn, etc. I did travelling because solo-trip felt more spontaneous.
Whatever takes your mind off to appreciate the solitude and the remaining people you have in your life, please do it.
I’m a sucker for reasons. Whenever I face a negative experience, I heed lessons from them to make sure I don’t repeat them.
Since the last year’s incident, I’ve learned not to anticipate high expectations from people if they don’t clarify it explicitly.
Stop thinking yourself too high when you don’t know where you stand.
When you find the reasons for all the tears after your rejection, find all the ways to practice self-love.
The girl who rejected me, I am still friends with her. It is not the same way we were before the proposal happened. But yes, we did fight a lot in the initial days.
Eventually, maturity kicked in, and we learned to be around one other without affecting our mutual social circles.
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Sanjeev is a writer, mentor and recovering shopaholic. He writes about emotional intelligence, productivity, relationships, and practical psychology for everyday life. When he is not busy with his muse, he sweating either in a workout or playing badminton. He is active on Instagram.
How to Heal From a Rejected Proposal in One Weekend was originally published in ILLUMINATION-Curated on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.