If you’ve ever experienced abuse and been blamed for it, this blog post is for you.
Do you have a friend or family member that was attacked for telling someone what happened to them?
Do you want to improve your skills in advocacy, HR, leadership, education, or mental health?
If so, this post will explain what DARVO is and give steps for dealing with it.
Abuse comes in many forms. It is not always physical. It can also be psychological, emotional, sexual, financial, or spiritual.
What is DARVO?
Psychologist, Dr. Jennifer Freyd developed DARVO while she was exploring betrayal trauma. She noticed repeating patterns of abusers. This led her to develop what we now know as DARVO.
As seen in Dr. Freyd’s work, she looks at the harm that DARVO causes for victims.
DARVO has three parts. Each part starts with one letter of DARVO. It means Defend, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
Facing the physical, psychological, and emotional effects of abuse is painful enough. But when the perpetrator of the abuse denies or minimizes what they did, this pain is magnified.
Then, they attack the victim’s credibility. When people believe the abuser, this feels like another emotional attack for the victim. It may cause the victim to lost her job, financial stability, or social support.
Self-Blaming
It can also cause the victim to start blaming herself.
“What if I didn’t say anything?
Would this be happening to me?
What did I do to deserve this?
This is why I blogged about 5 steps to deal with DARVO.
These 5 steps give the victim tips to rewrite the ending of their own story. These tips help them take back their power. Because no one deserves DARVO.
5 Steps
- Notice what is happening inside your body.
- Accept your feelings instead of pushing them away.
- Ask yourself what is true for you.
- Give yourself compassion.
- Rewrite the ending on your own terms.
To read the full blog post click here.
Get 3 free Beyond Survival coping cards here.
The full set will be released in June 2026.
If you enjoyed this post from guest blogger, Dr. Amy Gunter, you can find her on her website, Substack newsletter, or on Medium.
Resources
Within the U.S.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 800.799.SAFE
Text START to 88788
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Global
NO MORE – A directory of domestic and sexual violence helpline and services.
Type your country in the webpage for a list of services near you.
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